Archives: Print

The Yellow Pages 2014

Yellow Pages

Oooh the latest Yellow Pages arrived – you great big beautiful useless chunk of print.

I’ve written about the annual appearance of the Yellow Pages previously and highlighted one way in which they can be used or recycled.

It’s getting to the stage now when the unheralded arrival of the Yellow beast prompts a response of ‘Oh, are they still doing that?’ like the last vestiges of an archaic ritual that has long ceased to have any real function or value.

This particular one is on a non-stop trip to the recycling bin, unopened, unused and unwanted.

shredded paper

The coffee machine flyer

Espresso machine flyer

Yeaaaah…. No.

I once flew overseas into Rome on an Italian airline and it was noticeable at the breakfast meal service before landing that several passengers refrained from drinking any coffee or tea.

They were saving themselves for a ‘real Italian espresso experience’ and didn’t want to spoil it by indulging in whatever it was the airline was serving. They wanted to be good and ready for that first caffeine hit on Italian soil.

Sure enough, there was a café straight off the walkway from the plane, before passport control and customs, and the eager passengers piled in there for the first espresso of the day.

So when someone offers me ‘The real Italian espresso experience’ that’s what I think of, the sight of those people planning and looking forward and savouring the experience of drinking an espresso in Italy.

No disrespect to this coffee machine supplier who obviously understands the significance of experiencing an espresso in Italy and who, I’m sure, makes great tasting coffee, better than much of what gets served in cafes up and down the country, but don’t try telling me this is real or Italian or possibly even, for those of us who have experienced a real Italian espresso, an espresso.

I’m not buying it (although I’m always happy for anybody else to buy me a coffee and will never turn my nose up at it, even when it comes in a ridiculously tall glass and looks like liquid fertiliser).

shredded paper

The rain-soaked flyer

Grocer's flyer

A spell of wet weather can be disastrous for an ill-timed letterbox drop campaign, as can be seen by this grocer’s flyer which arrived just in time for a sudden downpour.

Being safely cocooned inside the mailbox is no guarantee of making it to the recipient in good condition. This one was tucked away inside the box but still received a soaking which resulted in some rather weird things happening to the ink. Ummmm… runny.

Not that the cheery apple in the shopping cart here seems to mind all that much, although I doubt the advertiser was quite so pleased given that any contact details were blurred practically beyond comprehension.

This is the downside of print ‘n’ paper being tactile and organic and real and natural and all those lovely positive things that those nasty dead, cold, alien digital media channels are not. As a medium, print tends to respond to whatever environment it finds itself in – and if that’s a soggy one, well, the effects can be beautiful but rather unhelpful. Fire can also be awkward. Direct light, too, may cause fading in the long run while wind has a habit of redistributing printed matter according to its own particular whims.

In fact just about any interaction with the physical world will have an effect on print, which is why it’s better just to lock it away in a dark place where no-one can see it.

Equally though, there are times when the resilience of paper in the face of adverse weather conditions can be completely unexpected.

Perhaps it is this unpredictable and contrary nature of paper – fragile yet durable, disposable yet also archival – which makes it so beguiling to collectors and other papyrophiles.

shredded paper

The insurance flyer

Insurance brochure

A flyer from an insurance company – nothing to get excited about – but what intrigued me about it was the meaning of the heart-shaped hand sign. When they urge us to get the most out of our insurance – beyond, I guess, the actual provision of insurance as requested – are they seriously inviting us to fall in love with it?

Because that’s what it looks like to me although maybe I’m misreading the signals here (wouldn’t be the first time, Lord no).

So. Are these the symbolic hands of the insurance company being used to convey their tender feelings towards us (and hence their eagerness to supply us with extra ‘benefits’, whatever they may be), or are they supposed to represent our hands indicating our new-found love for all the great things that an insurance policy can offer us? Because, you see, I don’t think it’s at all clear what’s going on here.

And while the wild romantic in me is fully in agreement with the prospect of launching willy-nilly into a new and potentially exciting emotional relationship with an insurance company, the level-headed voice of experience tells me that it is prudent not to get too involved in a liaison where the expectations and intentions of either party are not fully understood.

This is especially the case with providers of insurance with whom, in the past, my relationships have tended to be somewhat fractured and tempestuous.

So excuse my hesitation and unwillingness to commit whole-heartedly when I say that rather than ‘feeling the love’ – which may or may not be genuine on their part – my preference is rather to see this flyer as just another cut-price marketing campaign employing a stock feel-good image of no particular significance in order to prompt a vapid sense of connection in a world of alienated strangers.

In other words, they don’t really care; never did, never will.

shredded paper

The candidate’s letter

Candidate's letter

It’s a letter from a Labor party candidate so, not surprisingly, it uses red as a highlight colour, rather effectively I think as it does what it is supposed to do which is highlight stuff – important stuff such as name, contact details, Yours Sincerely sign off (?). Having more colours (or more red) wouldn’t make this letter work any better than it does.

I like, too, the hand-written PS – corny I know but I’m sucker for the personal touch. Most people don’t bother or else they digitise the writing which somewhat defeats the point of being real and human.

I much prefer the idea of the candidate slaving away for hours adding individual messages to every letter, pushing on through the writer’s cramp and the nagging sense of futility that, ultimately, it makes not the slightest bit of difference. That’s what I want from a politician – persistence, crazy optimism and the ability to do joined-up writing.

Unfortunately, in this instance, it was all to no avail. He lost.

shredded paper